Letting Go: Embracing Freedom by Releasing Expectations

Letting go can sound like an easy task, yet it’s often one of the hardest things we can do. We hold onto so many things—past relationships, difficult experiences, expectations of ourselves and others—without realizing how heavy that weight truly is. But what if we could simply let go of some of that weight and start experiencing life as it unfolds? For The Healing Canvas here at Artist Eye Counseling, letting go and releasing expectations is an essential part of healing.

Why Expectations Matter (and Why They Can Hurt)

Expectations can be tricky because they shape how we interpret the world. Psychologist Albert Ellis, who founded Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), once said that much of our frustration and emotional pain comes from rigid expectations about how things “should” be rather than how they are (Ellis, 1957). We often feel we deserve a particular outcome or believe someone else should act in a certain way, and when reality doesn’t match those beliefs, we feel disappointed or hurt. This disappointment can accumulate and take a toll on our mental health, relationships, and overall happiness (Baumeister et al., 2003).

In practice, letting go of expectations doesn’t mean we shouldn’t care or have goals. Instead, it means we learn to release the need for things to go our way, opening ourselves up to experiences as they come.

How Holding onto Expectations Limits Us

When we hold tightly to expectations, we often limit our own growth. Imagine, for instance, you have an expectation that your career should follow a specific path. If that path doesn’t work out, it’s easy to feel like a failure. However, when we let go of those fixed expectations, we create room for new possibilities. Research has shown that people who are more adaptable to unexpected changes tend to experience lower stress levels and greater life satisfaction (Bonanno, 2004). In essence, the flexibility that comes with letting go can help us approach life with curiosity rather than judgment.

The Art of Letting Go

Letting go isn’t a one-time decision; it’s an ongoing process. Here are some steps that can help:

• Acknowledge Your Expectations
  The first step in letting go is recognizing when we’re holding onto specific expectations. Whether they’re about people, ourselves, or our circumstances, becoming aware of our attachments is essential.

• Practice Mindfulness
  Mindfulness is the practice of staying present without judgment, and it’s one of the most powerful tools for releasing expectations. By focusing on what’s happening now rather than what we wish would happen, we train our minds to experience life as it is. Research supports that practicing mindfulness regularly can help reduce rumination, a common outcome of unmet expectations, and boost well-being (Kabat-Zinn, 1994).

• Embrace Uncertainty
  Life is unpredictable, and accepting that truth can help us become more resilient. Instead of fearing uncertainty, we can choose to welcome it as an opportunity for growth. This “embracing the unknown” mindset doesn’t come naturally for many of us, but with practice, it can be incredibly freeing.

• Self-Compassion
  Self-compassion—treating ourselves with the kindness we’d offer a friend—is a critical component of letting go. Often, we hold ourselves to impossible standards, which makes it even harder to let go of unmet expectations. Studies have shown that self-compassion can increase resilience and reduce anxiety (Neff, 2003).

• Accept “Good Enough”
  Letting go of perfection and accepting “good enough” can be a powerful way to release unrealistic expectations. Dr. Donald Winnicott, a renowned psychoanalyst, introduced the idea of the “good enough” parent, suggesting that imperfection doesn’t prevent us from achieving well-being (Winnicott, 1953). Accepting imperfection in ourselves and others can give us permission to be human and embrace the learning process.

Letting Go at The Healing Canvas

At The Healing Canvas, we aim to help clients navigate the path of releasing expectations through creativity, mindfulness, and a supportive environment. Our art-based approach encourages people to explore emotions they may not have the words to express and to see life from a new perspective. By creating art, individuals can visually and emotionally release what they may have been holding onto. It’s a form of “active letting go,” allowing us to channel expectations and frustrations into something beautiful and meaningful. Research has shown that engaging in creative expression can significantly reduce stress and improve mood (Stuckey & Nobel, 2010).

The Freedom in Letting Go

Letting go isn’t about giving up or becoming indifferent—it’s about freeing ourselves from the constant pressure of unmet expectations. When we release the need for specific outcomes, we often find more peace and flexibility in our lives. It doesn’t mean life will always be easy, but we can approach it with a spirit of openness, ready to adapt and grow.

By embracing the art of letting go, we open ourselves to a fuller experience of life. Letting go might be one of the hardest things to do, but it can also be one of the most liberating.

References:

• Baumeister, R. F., Vohs, K. D., Nathan DeWall, C., & Zhang, L. (2007). How Emotion Shapes Behavior: Feedback, Anticipation, and Reflection, Rather Than Direct Causation. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 11(2), 167–203.

• Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience: Have we underestimated the human capacity to thrive after extremely aversive events? American Psychologist, 59(1), 20–28.

• Ellis, A. (1957). Rational psychotherapy and individual psychology. Journal of Individual Psychology, 13, 38–44.

• Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. Hachette Books.

• Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223–250.

• Stuckey, H. L., & Nobel, J. (2010). The Connection Between Art, Healing, and Public Health: A Review of Current Literature. American Journal of Public Health, 100(2), 254–263.

• Winnicott, D. W. (1953). Transitional Objects and Transitional Phenomena—A Study of the First Not-Me Possession.