Humility, Help, and the Fear of Reaching Out
I grew up thinking I had to be strong, almost invincible. Maybe you did too. The one who didn’t need anything. Who held it all together, no matter what. Admitting I needed help felt like defeat—like I had failed some invisible test of resilience. But the truth is, asking for help isn’t a weakness. It’s humility. And humility is brave.
Why Asking for Help Is So Hard
There are many reasons we resist asking for help. For many of us, it’s tangled up in fear:
Fear of judgment: What will they think of me?
Fear of rejection: What if they say no, or worse—what if they don’t understand?
Fear of vulnerability: Letting someone in means letting our guard down.
Fear of burdening others: We worry that we’ll be too much.
Sometimes, the fear is rooted in our early experiences. If we learned that asking for help led to shame or punishment, or if our needs were dismissed or ignored, we may have internalized a belief that we must handle everything on our own. Psychologist Dr. Brené Brown writes, “Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” Reaching out requires us to face that vulnerability head-on.
The Role of Humility
Humility isn’t about diminishing ourselves. It’s about recognizing our limits and choosing connection over pride. True humility says: I can’t do this alone—and that’s okay.
In a culture that celebrates self-sufficiency and hustle, it can feel radical to say, I need help. But studies show that people are actually more willing to help than we assume. In fact, research from Stanford University found that people significantly underestimate others’ willingness to lend a hand (Bohns & Flynn, 2010). Our fear of asking often doesn’t match reality.
My Own Turning Point
A few years ago, I was juggling too much—career, family, grief—and quietly unraveling. I remember one day sitting on the kitchen floor, exhausted, overwhelmed, and finally whispering to myself, I can’t do this alone. That moment cracked something open in me. I called a friend. I talked to a therapist. I cried. Not only did I feel seen—I felt stronger. Humility gave me room to breathe. And it didn’t end there. I often experience these feelings, and I remind myself to call or text a friend, bring it up in therapy, or simply ask for a hug from my spouse.
Managing the Fear of Asking
Here are some things that helped me—and might help you—when asking feels impossible:
Start small. Practice asking for tiny things, like help carrying groceries or clarification in a meeting. Let yourself experience the safety of asking in low-stakes moments.
Challenge your inner critic. That voice that says you’re weak or needy? That’s fear talking, not truth. You are worthy of support.
Name the fear out loud. Saying “I’m scared to ask” is in itself a kind of courage. You don’t have to pretend you’re fine.
Choose the right people. Not everyone has earned the right to hear your pain, as Brené Brown reminds us. Pick people who feel safe, not perfect.
Reframe the story. What if asking for help is not a sign of failure—but a declaration that you matter? That your needs are worth tending to?
A New Definition of Strength
Maybe strength isn’t about never falling. Maybe it’s about knowing when to reach for a hand on the way back up. And maybe healing begins not in doing more, but in admitting we can’t do it all—and we were never meant to.
Let this be your reminder: It’s okay to need help. It’s human.
Go be kind to yourself.
Sources:
Bohns, V. K., & Flynn, F. J. (2010). Why didn’t you just ask? Underestimating the discomfort of help-seeking. Stanford Graduate School of Business.
Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.