When You Don’t Feel Good Enough: A Personal Reflection on Worthiness and Healing
I have a confession: even after years of therapy, degrees on my wall, and a fulfilling job helping others, I sometimes feel like I’m not good enough.
It usually creeps in quietly. I could be watching my son play and feel like I’m not present enough. Or I’ll scroll social media and suddenly question whether I’m doing enough—as a parent, a partner, a professional, a human. The voice isn’t always loud, but it’s persistent. And it’s familiar.
Like many people, I didn’t wake up one day and decide I was inadequate. That belief was taught. Not with words, but with experiences—dismissed emotions, unrealistic expectations, praise tied to achievement rather than existence. According to research by Dr. Kristin Neff, self-worth that is contingent on external factors like success or approval leads to higher anxiety and depression (Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, 2011). In other words, if our sense of value depends on how others see us, we’ll never feel safe in ourselves.
For me, the feeling of not being good enough was rooted in the role I played in my family—responsible, attuned, calm. I was the one who didn’t rock the boat. The one who remained silent. Always aware of my presence. That role became armor. However, over time, armor becomes increasingly heavy. I didn’t know how to ask for help, how to take up space, or how to fail without spiraling. I thought that unless I was excelling, I was falling behind.
This mindset isn’t unique. Brené Brown calls it shame, and says it thrives on secrecy and silence. “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging” (Daring Greatly, 2012). The moment we feel exposed or imperfect, shame whispers, See? You’re not enough. You never were.
Here’s what I’ve learned (and am still learning): worthiness isn’t earned. It’s remembered. It lives beneath the noise of comparison and the lies of perfectionism. It’s in the quiet moments when we show up anyway—tired, scared, unsure. It’s in the breath we take before saying something vulnerable. It’s in the boundary we set that says, I matter too.
There’s no quick fix. But there is hope. Healing starts with awareness. When the thought ‘I’m not good enough arises, I ask who’s voice is this? Sometimes it’s a teacher. Sometimes a parent. Sometimes my own inner critic trying to keep me safe by playing small. And then I remind myself, gently, I am doing my best. And my best is enough.
If this feeling lives in you too, I want you to know—you’re not alone. This belief may be old, but it’s not permanent. You can challenge it. You can soften around it. You can begin to believe a different story. One where you are already enough. Right now. As you are.
You are worthy. You are capable. You are enough.
Sources:
Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow, 2011.
Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books, 2012.