Can We Actually Be Happy? Understanding the Elusive Nature of Happiness
Happiness. It’s a word that carries weight and expectation, promising something we’re all chasing but rarely seem to define. Can we actually be happy? What is happiness? Is it something real and sustainable, or just a mask we wear to navigate life’s challenges? And for those of us grappling with trauma, how can we make happiness last? These questions aren’t just philosophical musings—they go to the heart of what it means to live well.
What Is Happiness?
Happiness is often thought of as a fleeting emotion—like joy, excitement, or contentment. Psychologists, however, define it as a state of well-being that encompasses both momentary feelings of pleasure and deeper satisfaction with life. This dual aspect of happiness—immediate positive feelings and long-term fulfillment—is known as subjective well-being (Diener, 2000).
But what are we chasing when we say we want to be happy? Many of us pursue external achievements—wealth, relationships, or success—believing these will unlock happiness. Yet, studies suggest that while these things can contribute to happiness, they are not its foundation. Instead, internal factors like gratitude, purpose, and resilience play a larger role in sustained happiness (Lyubomirsky, 2007).
Is Happiness Real, or Are We Just Pretending?
Some might wonder if happiness is just an illusion—a socially constructed ideal we pretend to experience. Certainly, social pressures can lead us to perform happiness, especially on platforms like Instagram where curated lives often feel unattainably perfect. However, authentic happiness is real. Neuroscientific research shows that happiness can be measured through increased activity in specific areas of the brain, such as the prefrontal cortex, which is associated with positive emotions and problem-solving (Davidson & Begley, 2012).
Even so, happiness is not a constant state. It fluctuates, and that’s normal. Pretending to be happy doesn’t lead to fulfillment; instead, it can create a disconnect between how we feel and how we act. Authenticity—acknowledging and processing negative emotions—is a critical part of true happiness.
Trauma and the Pursuit of Happiness
For those who have experienced trauma, the idea of lasting happiness may seem out of reach. Trauma reshapes the brain, creating patterns of hypervigilance, fear, and mistrust that can feel incompatible with joy (van der Kolk, 2014). But trauma doesn’t have to define our emotional landscape forever.
Healing from trauma often involves creating safety within ourselves and our environments. Practices like mindfulness, therapy, and connection with others can help us rewire the brain’s response to stress, allowing more room for positive experiences (Shapiro, 2018). Happiness in this context is not the absence of pain but the ability to find meaning and joy even in the face of hardship.
How Can We Make Happiness Last?
Happiness is not a finish line to cross but a practice—a set of habits and mindsets we cultivate over time. Here are some evidence-based strategies for creating lasting happiness, even in the face of life’s challenges:
Cultivate Gratitude: Regularly reflecting on what you’re thankful for can increase happiness and reduce symptoms of depression (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
Find Purpose: Engaging in activities that align with your values and passions can provide a sense of meaning, a key component of lasting happiness (Seligman, 2011).
Strengthen Relationships: Deep, authentic connections with others are one of the most reliable predictors of happiness (Harvard Study of Adult Development, 2017).
Practice Mindfulness: Being present in the moment can reduce stress and increase well-being, particularly for those healing from trauma (Shapiro, 2018).
Build Resilience: Developing the ability to bounce back from setbacks can make happiness more sustainable. This might involve therapy, self-compassion, or simply reframing challenges as opportunities for growth.
Acknowledge Pain: Happiness doesn’t mean avoiding negative emotions. Processing and validating your pain creates space for authentic joy.
Happiness: A Journey, Not a Destination
So, can we actually be happy? The answer is yes—but happiness is not a constant state or a prize to be won. It’s a dynamic process, shaped by how we engage with life’s ups and downs. For those of us carrying trauma, happiness may take extra work, but it’s still within reach. By focusing on connection, purpose, and resilience, we can find not just fleeting joy but a deep and enduring sense of well-being.
Happiness is real, but it isn’t perfect. And maybe that’s okay. In the words of Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, “Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” Perhaps true happiness lies not in chasing it but in allowing it to find us as we create a life of meaning, connection, and authenticity.
Sources
Davidson, R. J., & Begley, S. (2012). The Emotional Life of Your Brain. Penguin Group.
Diener, E. (2000). Subjective well-being: The science of happiness and a proposal for a national index. American Psychologist, 55(1), 34–43.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
Harvard Study of Adult Development. (2017). The secret to a long and happy life? Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want. Penguin Group.
Shapiro, S. L. (2018). Rewire Your Mind: Discover the Science and Practice of Mindfulness. Sounds True.
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being. Atria Books.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.